country sucks because
- only people down south listen to it (wife beaters, KKK members, alcoholics, cowboys, hicks, and people who screw animals, you get the idea)
- tight jeans, big belts, big boots, and cowboy hats.... YEAH BABY!
- you can only enjoy it if you are drunk (and passed out... maybe drowning in your own vomit)
- every song sings about lovers running away or being lonley
- there are no electric guitars, drums, or keyboards
- but you have an awesome guitar
- it sounds like crap
- the person singing sounds like he is whining
- the music makes you want to do a hoe down (not the one where your mom hits the floor)
- they have weird sayings such as y'all, li'l missus or i'm gonna give you a whuppin
- when was the last time you heard someone say country is cool?
- you can't mosh to the music and i don't think you want to mosh with a bunch of smelly hicks
- the concerts take place in a barn
- barns smell bad
- people square dance to that music
- only old people square dance

hi y'all! i've written a little country tune!

(singer walks up in the tightest jeans you can buy and the hugest hat you can buy)
hi folks, how y'all doin?
i'm gonna sing a song about the south land
(starts strumming the guitar)
(people get up and start square dancing)
yeah my bessie left me
so i'm real lonley
so everyone just dance around, left, right, right, left and change
yeah my cow ran away
so i'm real lonley
but at least i gots my whiskey
so everyone just turn around right, left, spin, left
(people start to clap to the rhythm of song, even though there is no real rhythm)
yeah my dog got up and died
so i'm real lonley
but at least i'm a lassoing my cattle
so everyone spin around left, right, change, jump
yeah my klan leader choked on an alligator bone
so i'm real lonley
but at least i got my land and my bayou

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