01. So Much For The Afterglow
02. Everything To Everyone
03. Ataraxia
04. Normal Like You
05. I Will Buy You A New Life
06. Father Of Mine
07. One Hit Wonder
08. El Distorto De Melodica
09. Amphetamine
10. White Men In Black Suits
11. Sunflowers
12. Why I Don't Believe In God
13. Like A California King
(hidden song) Hating You For Christmas

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So Much for the Afterglow
This is a song about Susan, this is a song about the girl next door.
This is a song about the everyday occurances that make you feel like letting go.

Yes, I think we got a problem. So much for the afterglow.
This is a song about Susan, this is a song about the way things are.
This is a song about the scary things you see from the corner of your eyes.
Don't you wonder why?
We never talk about the future, we never talk about the past anymore.
We never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody even wants to know.
I guess the honeymoon is over, so much for the afterglow.

I remember we could talk about anything. I remember when we used to want to hang out.
I remember, I remember, I remember.
We never talk about the future, we never talk about the past anymore.
We never ask ourselves the questions to the answers that nobody needs to know.
Oh well, oh well, oh well. So much for the afterglow.
Yes, I guess we need the drama. So much for the afterglow.

Everything To Everyone
You put yourself in stupid places, yes, I think you know it's true.
Situations where it's easy to look down on you.
I think you like to be the victim, I think you like to be in pain,
I think you make yourself a victim almost every single day.

You do what you do, you say what you say. You try to be everything to everyone.
You know all the right people, you play all the right games.
You always try to be everything to everyone.
Yeah, you do it again. You always do it again.

You say they taught you how to read and write, they taught you how to count.
I say they taught you how to buy and sell your own body by the pound.
I think you like to be the simple toy, I think you love to play the clown.
I think you are blind to the fact that the hand you hold is the hand that holds you down.

You do what you do, you say what you say. You always try to be everything to everyone.
You know all the right people, you play all the right games.
You always try to be everything to everyone. Spin around and fall down, do it again.
You stumble and you fall.
Yeah why won't you ever learn? Spin around and fall down, do it again.
You stumble and you fall. I wonder if you will ever learn. Why won't you ever learn?
Come on now, do that stupid dance for me. (Come on, come on, dance for me.)

You do what they tell you to do, you say what they say.
You try to be everything to everyone.
You jump through the big hoop, you play all the right games.
You try to be everything to everyone. Spin around and fall down, do it again.
You stumble and you fall. Yeah, you do it again.
Spin around and fall down, do it again. You stumble and you fall . . .

Ataraxia (Media Intro)

Normal Like You
They said you called me maybe yesterday.
I don't even have the strength to pick up the phone.
You wouldn't even know me since you went away. The prozac doesn't do it for me anymore.
You ought to take your medication everyday.
Be a good dog, live life in a wonderful way.

Tell me why, you want to be blind. I don't want to be normal like you. I know now.
Everyday I get closer to the place inside where I can be normal too.

I heard those stupid people talk about you again.
I just have to laugh to keep from hurting bad.
Their simple minds just cannot seem to understand you are neurotic and depressed,
it doesn't mean that you're sad.
you walk around oblivious to everything.
You wear that party dress and mascara like you're queen for the day.

Tell me why, you want to be blind. I don't want to be normal like you. I know now.
Everyday I get closer to the place inside where I can be normal too.

I will never be normal like you.
You walk around oblivious to everyone.
I see you walking slow and simple underneath the big, black sun.

Tell me why, you want to be blind. I don't want to be normal like you. I know now.
Everyday I get closer to the place inside where I can be complacent.
I get closer to the place inside where I can be sedated.
I get closer to the place inside where I can be normal too.
Where I can be normal like you.
Maybe normal like you.
I can be normal like you.

I Will Buy You A New Life
Here is the money that I owe you, so you can pay the bills.
I will give you more when I get paid again.
I hate those people who love to tell you money is the root of all that kills.
They have never been poor, they have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas.
I know we will never look back.

You say you wake up crying. Yes, and you don't know why.
You get up and you go lay down inside my baby's room.
I guess I'm doing OK. I moved in with the strangest guy.
Can you believe he actually thinks that I am really alive?

I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom.
I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new.
I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills.
I will buy you a new life.
Yes, I will.

Yes, I know about that other guy. The handsome man with athletic thighs.
I know about all the times before with that obsessive little rich boy.
They might make you think you're happy. Yeah, maybe for a minute or two.
They can't make you laugh. No they can't make you feel the way that I do.

I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom.
I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new.
I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills.
I will buy you a new life.

I know we can never look back.
Will you please let me stay the night? No one will ever know.

I will buy you a garden where your flowers can bloom.
I will buy you a new car, perfect shiny and new.
I will buy you that big house way up in the west hills.
I will buy you a new life. I will buy you a new life.

Father Of Mine
Father of mine,
tell me where have you been?
You know I just closed my eyes my whole world disappeared.
Father of mine, take me back to the day.
When I was still your golden boy back before you went away.
I remember blue skies, walking the block.
I loved it when you held me high, I loved to hear you talk.
You would take me to the movie. You would take me to the beach.
You would take me to a place inside that is so hard to reach.

Father of mine, tell me where did you go?
You had the world inside your hand but you did not seem to know.
Father of mine, tell me what do you see, when you look back at your wasted life and you don't see me?
I was ten years old doing all that I could.
It wasn't easy for me to be a scared white boy in a black neighborhood.
Sometimes you would send me a birthday card with a five dollar bill.
I never understood you then and I guess I never will.

Daddy gave me a name then he walked away.
My dad he gave me a name.
Father of mine, tell me where have you been?
I just closed my eyes and the world disappeared.

Father of mine, tell me how do you sleep with the children you abandoned and the wife I saw you beat.
I will never be safe. I will never be sane. I will always be weird inside, I will always be lame.
Now I am a grown man with a child of my own,
and I swear I'm not gonna let her know all the pain I have known.

Then he walked away. Daddy gave me a name.
My dad he dave me a name. Then he walked away.

One Hit Wonder
(Bigger, and badder, and better than you.)
Loopy says he likes it up on top.
Yes, he knows if he ever lets go the pretty machine will swallow him whole.
He has no fear. He has no sense of shame.
He will not stop until everybody everywhere wants to know his name.

The one hit wonder, he likes the big time.
He says he wants to live the kind of life that will make the folks back home all bitch and whine.
He knows if he ever even gets the chance he'd sell his soul to make the monster dance.
They can't hurt you unless you let them.

Loopy says he sure does like the good life.
Yes, he knows all those women who scheme are just pretty pictures in the pretty machine.

He knows if he ever even gets to try. He will bite down hard to make the monster cry.
He knows if he ever even gets the chance he'd sell his soul to make the monster dance.
They can't hurt you unless you let them. I will say it again. They will not hurt you unless you let them.

Loopy says he likes it up on top, he prays to God and hopes and he hopes like hell
that the pretty machine, they will never fail.
He has no fear, he doesn't really even have the time.
He knows that the world is in love with the pretty machine.
Oh yeah . . . the pretty machine.

The one hit wonder, he likes the big time.
He says he wants to live the kind of life that will make the folks back home scream, bitch and whine.
He knows if he ever gets to try, he'll bite down hard to make the monster cry.
He knows if he ever even gets the chance, he'll sell his soul to make the monster dance.
He knows if he ever even gets to play, he will stomp like God to make the monster say.
"They can't hurt you unless you let them. They cannot hurt you unless you let them."

El Distorto De Melodica (Instrumental)

Amphetamine
She came out West to find the sun.
She lost her name but found a new one.
Amy goes to school all day, but at night in the neighborhood they call her Amphetamine.

She is perfect in that fucked up way that all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days.
She looks like a teenage anthem.
She looks like she used to be happy with the girl inside.
Yeah, she looks so poor sometimes.
She has that super pale skin and those soft green eyes.
She looks like she could have been happy in better life.

She came out West just to break away clean from her family and friends and a little girl's dream.
All she wants to do every night is to sit beside my window and listen to the sirens.

She is perfect in that fucked up way that all the magazines seem to want to glorify these days. She looks like a teenage anthem and she looks like should have been happy in another life. In another life.

She came out West just to break the spell after three long years in a marriage from hell.
Six months clean living sober and right. The doctors tell her everything will be alright.
Yeah, you just take your pill and everything will be alright.

She looks like a teenage anthem.
She looks like a magazine girl.
She looks like a teenage anthem,
like she used to be happy in another world.
She looks like a teenage anthem. She is happy with the girl inside.
She looks like a teenage anthem, and she looks like she could have been happy in another life.
In another life.
Happy in another life.

Met her at a party and I took her home.
She is the saddest girl that I have ever known.
She wakes me up in the middle of the night just to tell me everything will be alright.
Amy smiles at me and tells me everything will be alright.
I tell myself the same damn thing. Everyday. Everything will be alright.

White Men In Black Suits
I am just a boy working in a record store.
Yes, I moved to San Francisco just to see what I could be.
I am a loser geek, crazy with an evil streak. Yes, I do believe there is a violent thing inside of me.
She is just a girl, she is doing what she can.
She dances topless when she's not playing in her band.
Such a pretty girl, happy in an ugly place.
Watching all the pretty people doing lots of ugly things.

I think it's getting better for the two of us. Yes, I think it's getting better almost everyday.
I could give a damn for what those people say.

All I want to do is lose myself in your room.
All you want is just a slow fuck in the afternoon.
I still see those scary guys when I am all alone at night.
I kiss the ring you gave me, then I swing with all my might.

I think it's getting better for the two of us.
I think it's getting easier for you and me to agree that the white men in the black suits, they are diminishing.
Yes, I think they are diminishing.
Yes, I think that they diminish you, and they diminish me. I think they are diminishing.

You know sometimes I hear those people say . . .

Yeah, she takes a bus over to the northside of the city.
She goes to work, stripping for the rich white men.
All the words they give her make her feel so soft and pretty.
She wears them but they never ever seem to fit.
Yes, I think it's getting better for the two of us.
I think it's getting better in the worst way.
I refuse to be afraid of almost anyone.
Afraid of all the things they do, or the words that they say.
Let's live the way we want to live and hope they go away. I really hope they go away.
I really hope they find a nice place. I hope they find it somewhere. I hope they go away.

I can still hear all the people say . . .

Sunflowers
I know where you go when you want to fall.
Why do you want to be broken?
I know where you go when you want to fall.
Yes, your friends they tell me everything.
Yes, I know where you go. Yes, I know what you do.
Yes, I know the awful things you say and who you say them to.
Yes, I know where you go. Yes, I know what you do.

I know how you feel. You get crazy inside. They say it runs in the family.
I know just how you feel when you get crazy inside.
Your mom she said that you are just like me.
I can see it in your eyes.
I can see your shaky hands.
I think you think I'm stupid. You don't think I understand.
I see you and I see myself when I was a younger man.

When you were a child, you were happy and free. You were my reason to live.
I would die when you smiled at me.
I can still see you. I remember you painting sunflowers in your room.

I know where you go when you want to fall.
Hey, don't you want to be happy?
I know where you go when you want to fall.
Your useless friends they tell me everything.

I see you run around in circles,
I see you digging your own hole.
I see you fight the fights
you just can't win.
I see you losing self-control.
What it does to me deep down inside I hope you will never know.

When you were a child, you were happy and free. You were my reason to live.
I would die when you smiled at me.
I can still see you painting flowers on the wall.
I remember you happy, I remember it all.

Sunflowers in your room.
All I want to remember, pretty pictures on the wall.
I remember you happy, I remember it all.
All I want to remember,
sunflowers in your room.
Sunflowers in your room.

Why I Don't Believe In God
I heard the truth about you
and it doesn't really read at all. Like the whipping stick you raised me with.
A scared woman in a private hell.
Hushed voice like electric bells.
Strange talk abut Edgar Casey and the long lame walk of the dark 70's.

I heard the truth about you. Yeah, you. Mama, they woke me up.
I was deep in an idiot sleep.
I was just eight years old, heard big words with a horrible sound.
Why'd they have to call my school? Tell me my mother had a nervous breakdown.

I wished I believed like you do. Yeah, you.
In the myth of a merciful god,
in the myth of a heaven and hell.
I hear the voices you hear sometimes.
Sometimes it gets so much I feel like letting go.
Sometimes it gets so hard, I feel like letting it go.
Sometimes it gets so goddamn hard I feel like letting it all go.
Letting it all go.

I ran away and went looking for you, back to Culver City and the old neighborhood.
Need to know if you were really gone. Need to know if you were gone for good.
I ran through the projects at night,
hide in the dark from my friends in the light.
Hide from my brother-in-law, hide from the things he'd say.
Said you weren't losing your mind, he said you just needed a rest.
He said you would be coming home soon,
said the doctors there would know what's best.
Said that maybe I could go live with them awhile.

I know the truth about you. I know the truth.
Mama, they woke me up.
I was just eight years old.
Sometimes it gets so hard, I feel like letting it go.
Sometimes it gets so hard, I feel like letting it all go.
Letting it all go.

Like A California King
I see you have made yourself a brand new life.
Such a cool blue star with a bright new shine.
I see you wearing your checkered past, just like a shining suit of gold.
I know you think you look so special.

I am told you have found yourself a brand new time.
Watch the world stand still as the years go by.
I know you think you are new and different,
but it makes no sense to me.
There is nothing new about you, just another self-made man.
There is nothing new that I can see. Enjoy it while you can. I know you think you look so special.
What makes you think you are so special? What makes you think you are unique?
I see you smile and I get angry as I watch you go colossal like a California king.

(All these Californians, coming down here and changing everything.
They're just a bunch of carpet-baggers and I'd wish they'd all just go.)

I hear you gave the world a brand new voice,
such a happy melody with a new wave whine.
Yeah, I see you hide behind your own noise.
I think I've seen enough.
I will find you in the crowded room, I will knock you off your feet.
I will burn you just like teenage love,
I will eat you just like meat.
I will break you into pieces, hold you up for all the world to see.
What makes you think you are better than me?
What makes you think you're better?
What makes you think you are complete?
What makes you think you are the only one immune to falling down?
Why can't you see?
I see you fall and I get happy.
I will watch you burn like fire,
I will watch you burn like a California king.

Hating You For Christmas - hidden track
Thanks for the Christmas card.
I don't want to hear about your new job now,
I don't want to hear about your new boyfriend.
I don't want to hear about it all working out for you.No, I don't want to hear it now.
I don't want to hear about your swinging new place,
I don't want to hear how everyone thinks it's great.
I just want to sit in our apartment and hate you.
Yes, I will be hating you for Christmas.

You can have the Christmas tree.
Remember when we bought it at the store down the street?
Remember when I found that cheesy color wheel?
I don't want to think about your eyes or your white skin.
No, I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to think about last year at your dad's.
Said it was the best sex that we both ever had.
I don't want to think about your face and your soft hair.

I will be hating you for Christmas.

I must be losing my mind,
there's gotta be a better way to deal with the pain.
There's gotta be a better way to deal with the hate.
Wish that I could find some way to make you go away.
Wish that I could have a drink and make you fade.
Wish that I could have myself a drink and make you fade.
I wish that I could have a drink and make you go away.
Yeah, make you go away.
Wish that I could make you go away.

I will be hating you for Christmas.
Thanks for the Christmas card.